The past month has been incredibly painful. I am very blessed to have 3 children, but i have suffered with infertility since my TTC journey began "unexplained" infertility the RE says. My littlest was born 5.3.2015. We started trying again in 8/2015, but after my 6 week pp visit we never used protection. Finally, $1000s of dollars later spent on opk, fertility monitors, and FRER, i asked for clomid. I got my bfp on 8/15/16. I had my beta followed regularly and my doubling times were always less than 40 hrs. I know when i ovulated, 8/5/16. Anyways, i noticed very little morning sickness, which was very hard, and an overall feeling over worry about the pregnancy. I went for an ultrasound when i should havr been 6w4d, and only measured 5w3d, no fetal pole with a beta of 15,100. I knew in my heart it was over, but my dr stayed optimistic, i went for another u/s 10 days later, only measured 6w4d, small fetal pole w no heartbeat, beta at 35,440. My dr still remained hopeful but i knew i was waiting to mc. She started following betas that started going down on 9/21/16, i weny for an ultrasound this thursday and it showed i only meadured 7w2d, no fetal pole detected at that point, and my beta down to 25,380. I am so heartbroken. All i want is to mc naturally so we can try again, but they are pushing me to get the d&c due to the fact i am not experiencing any signs of the mc starting.. no spotting, OS still closed. I am afraid if i get the surgery i will have an even harder time getting pregnant. This is my 6th pregnancy, 3rd mc, all have been very early mc but the 2 prior (1/2013 (7]weeks) & 8/2/14 - twins (6w4d), i mc naturally and concieved immediately after (within 3 weeks of mc). I know some ppl have good luck with d&c and it actually allows a nice new fresh lining to be made. I am just so emotionally fried right now, almost feeling obsessive about TTC again , surrounded by ppl pregnant or just giving birth (2 friends i have actually mc at the same time they had healthy babies, both accidents, no infertility..

I am pissed at the world, and really sad. My family keeps reminding me i already have kids to be grateful for, i obviously do not want to hear that, my grief over this loss has nothibg to do with the love I have for my kids..

😢