Awkward and embarrassed.


So, little bit about me, I am an adult, I was raised christian home, I am a virgin, by choice.. I personally want to save myself for my husband. That aside, I was raised always being told Sex is bad, don't do it, and I would be a bad girl if I I listened, but as I get older, i realize it most definitely is my own choice. I still want to remain waiting until I am married. Heres the thing, I am in a serious relationship, we are absolutely going towards marriage and very open about it, He respects me and my choice completely. Although We do not have sex, We do fool around and mess around and have fun. But, While growing up, I received absolutely zero education on sex and ways to get pregnant.. due to that, I feel paranoid even messing around, Obviously I know, Pregnancy comes from Sex.. but I feel under educated in other areas, BJs for example, recently we took things a little further, he stood up and I got on my knees, you know the rest...I really do enjoy seeing his reaction, his sounds, with his hands in my hair, its a close feeling. But, i just did what I thought a bj was, fortunately, he went crazy and loved it, so apparently I did something right, but as stupid as it may sound, do I need to careful doing that? I see people joke saying, don't swallow, I don't even know what that means. I am asking him not to have sex yet, its a big deal, so I really am okay with fulfulling each other in other ways than Sex itself (for now) I feel so stupid for even asking this, but I was homeschooled, no friends and my mom never ever mentioned sex talk. basically, Other than having actual sex, should I be paranoid about pregnancy, what precautions should I take, Try to understand me a little, im sure a lot of people will judge me, and think I am just immature and dumb, but this is just the result of lack of education from my parents.

I want to enjoy intimacy with my Boyfriend, and please each other..but I don't want to be under educatied and make a mistake. Its almost a shameful thing for me as an adult to even post something like this, because honestly there is not a lot of girls who share this situation. I hope you understand my situation a little, and don't just jump to conclusions.