I have had an eventful last 24 hours. I am a miserable mess of a human being.

I've been having BH for around a month. I was finally used to having them 3x a night or so, it would wake me up enough to use the bathroom and then I'd instantly fall back asleep when laying down. Then it turned into around 10x a night. Then it turned into having 3-5 an hour, disappearing for 2 hours and returning to do so again. It isn't consistent, at all, so I shouldn't be worried.

No, I have hypersensitivity. I focus on every single bodily function a human being has during the day. Let's zero in on the eyelid closing too slowly! How about that breathing, too shallow too fast paced? What was that strange twitch on my belly? Is that an itch or a bug that I'm feeling? Let's talk about being hungry is almost like dying. You literally think you can feel your stomach shrinking and shriveling. If you have gas, you think you can feel your organs backing up.

Add anxiety to the mix and you have a hypochondriac. Every thing is something to me. You could never tell me oh that's nothing, because I will not believe you. I could tell myself a hundred times that the red spot on my leg is not cancerous, and I would STILL think it was, be looking up what kind and attempting to match it.

So you can imagine that pregnancy has NOT taken so well with me. I can happily jot down for other women that it is "just BH" and that there is nothing to worry about. For me it has become a miserable FEAR and entirely unbearable to the point I have now thrown myself into 3 very unnecessary panic attacks due to the fact that my BH has increased yet again. I should have a six pack on top of this baby belly due to the amount of tightening that has occured. Plus, due to the sensitivity I also cannot tell if they have increased in intensity OR I'm just losing my marbles.

I ended up in an emergency meeting with my psychiatrist this afternoon to address that I was no longer managing my anxiety the way I should be. He was able to talk me through most of it, but mainly told me everything I already know. It's always nice having someone remind you that deep down you are honestly just a giant hypochondriac. Get a grip girlfriend, you are not going to die. He also reminded me that women who suffer from anxiety tend to have premature labors, and therefore I may need to be treated medicinally if I cannot contain my insanity over the weekend.

I cannot handle starting medication right now. I haven't had to take anything but tums or Tylenol for the last 7 months. I also have a hatred towards trying anything new. I have had six major allergic reactions to medications and each of them I ended up in the hospital.

I'm such a pain in the butt and I know it. After my doctors appointment today, I literally feel defeated and like I'm already failing at labor and I'm NOT in labor.

I am back to feeling extremely panicky and my BH have increased (as they do every single night). It's to the point where I cannot even go to sleep because they happen so randomly and so often. There is, of course, no rhythm to them. They have passed the uncomfortable stage and into the taking big gulps of air as though I'm going to lose breath all together. I have no pain though, except emotionally. My bladder is also about over all this nonsense of peeing 30x a night.

I know my baby will be 100% worth all this madness, but I will never-ever-ever get pregnant again. This is awful.