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Love Him or Leave Him
The father of my child is not involved in my child's life. He doesn't call, Skype, email, video chat. None of the things that technology has to offer these days, does he utilize. He doesn't send gifts (but one time) or cards, he doesn't come over to see her when he comes to the state. Unless I come to him On my dime.
He wanted me to move to the state he would be stationed in back in 2009 (January). We'd looked at houses and we're talking pretty seriously. My mom advised me not to go for fear that I knew no one out there and what if we'd had a fight and he threw me and my child out. He got mad (I still believe he is mad about it to this day and that's why he's treating our child and me this way … but I could be wrong) and said that we were through. That'd we'd ONLY be friends and nothing more. So when he came stateside in March we weren't suppose to meet up. Our love was much too powerful for all that and two hours after landing he was at my door. Spent five straight days with us. Still trying to get me to come to his based state. I again, said no. It was the hardest thing I EVER did. I wanted to say yes SOOOOO bad!! But I knew my mother was right. He left after a brief 10 day stay.
Two weeks and 3 days later he was married. To someone he met in a bar. I still say it was a revenge marriage. She found out she was pregnant (I believe that's why he married her) and 6 days after the "wedding" (courthouse style - not dogging on it just personifies this particular marriage) he found out his new wife was already six weeks along. Instead of leaving he stayed. She wanted him to adopt the baby and he said no. So she placed it for adoption. Then three months later she was pregnant again. He got deployed, she cheated multiple times with multiple people. Moved a man into his house. Got pregnant by said man. Sold all his stuff down to the silverware, aborted two children, neglected the child and animals they had, got arrested, went to court,, the list goes on. Then came home and divorced her. He has a baby by this woman. His ex wife. It is said that the child is not biologically his but he says no matter what the circumstances the child is his.
He does EVERYTHING for that child. Including, but definitely not limited to, putting the child and the mother up in the house he had me spend $2K to come stay in for free. Only to ask me for money 4 days after arriving. He said he had a room for my child when we got to his base location (he's in the Army) it ended up being that above mentioned child's room. How hurtful.
Crazy as it sounds I had another child that he wanted to adopt. Proclaiming how much that child's dad (they have different fathers) is such a loser. Now he's totally stepped into that deadbeat parent roll. However, he does send money every month for support (most possibly because the military forces him) but he didn't even call my child on their birthday OR Christmas this year. I've lived through this with my oldest (the in and out and abandonment) so that's why I do NOT want to do it again. I'm also adopted though and want that family aspect and for my child to know where they come from.
Should I "Love Him" and keep hanging on for my child's sake?? Giving him opportunity after opportunity to be here whenever he pleases? Let him know that I've never really got over him and I don't believe he got over me either (he pushes people HARD when they reject him). Or, should I "Leave Him" and leave him alone. Cut off all contact (which as mentioned before is hardly any) and move on with our lives. Find a nice man who would love my child and me like no other?? This has been going on for 5 years. Granted he is in the military he only just met his first born (our child) last February. He's met his child twice. Both times on my dime.
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