undecided

After gong through 4 miscarriages/ still births and losing 5 children I find myself stuck. I feel like I can't move on, I'm angry, sad, jealous. i also feel alone, I wish I could talk to their father and get some comfort but he is unable to do so, I guess he is dealing with our muse I his own way. My family tells me I will be fine and I will get over it. I have given birth 3 of my children, and yet I have no one to hold, i hear no joyous laughter, see smiling faces, how do you get over this? I find myself angry everyday that I wake up,wishing I could have just went to be with my children, i know this is unhealthy but this is how I feel. With all of this being said I found out that I'm pregnant once again and don't know if I can go through this again, I know I can't handle anther lose, but will I be able to deal with the what if's either. I haven't told the father yet as I have no clue on what to do yet.