So I'm 39wks today and toys whole 9month period had been severely bitter sweet. I didn't have a baby shower, I left my job before I found out I was pregnant(was going to leave regardless, second time doing that when pregnant) and still kind of regrets leaving my previous job because everything I have gone through could have possibly been avoided or made matters worse (job was a hour and half away), my fiancée and I use to argue like every other week about finances, fiancée and my mother had issues, my grandparents are getting up in age and aren't doing too well, worked just about this whole year and really didn't have enough to pay bills in the summer, fiancée didn't have enough to pay both our bills in summer (still can't totally pay my bills by himself either), been super stressed out about having the baby and what was needed, relied on family and friends and in the end nothing totally got done unless I did it myself, been depressed most of my pregnancy and didn't tell my doctor until 2weeks ago, overall feeling like I screwed up my life not because I decided to be pregnant but I feel line I just could have done things differently and I know there are other people out there in worse predicaments but u can't help but constantly feel like I have let my son down by my decisions and actions. Maybe it's my hormones bit that is how I have felt this whole time. Like A Failure.

We have received a lot of things for our son but things I wanted to do, other things got in the way that had to be done. Looking back on this year, it just kind of makes me very sad. My doctor thinks pod is definitely going to happen to me once my son is born. *sighs* it's just one of those days.