I find this app to be a wonderful and great place for women and men to come together to discuss and share our thoughts.

I wanted to share my story that perhaps some women can relate to. It's been a life changing experience for me. I've learned so much about myself and others through these 4.5 years.

It started off with me being a typical college freshman that wanted to explore the community and make friends and get involved. My first year in college I met a gentleman, who was socially awkward and very timid. He was the very opposite of me. We became friends and then after a couple months he professed his love towards me. We then began dating and I'd spent most of my time at his place. Our first year was magical. He was the perfect gentleman that held the doors wherever we went.

In our sophomore year we'd spend every day together after classes. My grades were slowly slipping. Then mid year we had our biggest argument yet. I noticed that whenever he'd get mad he would hit himself. It wasn't long until he stopped hitting himself out of anger and instead he laid his anger out on me. It started as a push and shove. Skip into our 3rd and 4th year of relationship, I was struggling with school. My boyfriend was becoming verbally and physically abusive. It was to the point where I'd have to ask him permission to visit my family or have friends over. He wanted me to be by his side 24/7. I was scared of him. I wanted to leave him but I couldn't because he'd threaten me and blackmail me. I was miserable. I went to school therapy to help cope with my stress. But I couldn't get myself to tell my psychologist I was being abused. I was embarrassed and I didn't want anymore trouble. I felt stuck. I lost a lot of self confidence. Many times I wish I could go back and tell my psychologist I was sorry for not being honest.

My boyfriend and I would argue 4-5 times a week and I knew it wasn't a healthy relationship but I couldn't leave this man because of my fear of what he'd do to me. I was not allowed to curse at him, if I did, he'd spit at me, grab my hair and tell me to say sorry. I've never cried so many tears in my life. Everything I did was wrong, he'd see it wrong. He was so possessive and would tell me to tell him that I'm his property. The first time he kicked me out of his apartment he threw my things out after me and threw a coat hanger at my back. I don't know how any man who tells me how much they love me could turn into such a monster. The first time I fought back was when he grabbed me by the hair and punched me in the stomach. I pushed away him away from me. He got mad and went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I thought I was going to die. My family quickly flashed upon me. I was so scared. He grabbed my hair and shoved my face into the pillow trying to choke me and said he'd kill me. He would say so much nasty things to scare me and make me cry. Thankfully he didn't use the knife, although he thought he'd bring a knife to show me he wasn't playing around.

The sex was no longer there emotionally. It became a chore. I don't feel the connection and several times I would tell him to stop but he'd forced himself on me giving me no choice but endure it through. I've cried several times.

In my senior year, I finally pulled myself together and told him "No more." I didn't want to be with a person who I'm scared of. I don't want to be with someone who treats me as a property. I don't want to be with someone who calls me b****, c***, wh***, etc whenever they felt like it when I've not once cheated on him or done him wrong. I was emotionally and physically tired of all his abuse and bs.

Leaving this man was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I feel so ashamed of myself for putting myself through everything. I isolated myself from my friends and family and centered my world around this man. I hated myself. I was stuck. I knew I was in an abusive relationship. I had the help available but was still so scared to leave because of the threats that came from him. Anyone who's ever been in an abusive relationship can relate to these feelings. This was my shameful past that I was not able to share with my parents or siblings. I couldn't. My parents would have died if they knew what I was going through. I'm sorry Mom and Dad.

Today I am happily married to a wonderful man who supports me. He's a great man that doesn't treat me like an object or property and we have a beautiful baby on the way. Life is a blessing now.

Thanks for listening to this LONG story. Have a great day everyone.