Advice for my Fiance??

Question

Hi everyone. So I was at the grocery store with my fiance yesterday and he said he asked one of his coworkers what skin to skin felt like as a dad. Apparently the coworker said it just "feels like skin" which was not the answer he was looking for. He wanted to know what it was like emotionally. I told him he'll find out in 2 weeks and he started saying that he was only curious because he hasn't felt much of a connection with our unborn son yet.. In the terms of whenever he outs his hand on my belly, he can't feel him move or how he wants to talk to my stomach but it feels weird and I told him "Babe you never ever have to feel weird about talking to my belly" and then I thought "Maybe it's because of me?" And I was partially right, he thinks he would look silly. I told him that I completely love it when he talks to him, when he holds my stomach, kisses it, and says "I love you Sam, I can't wait to see you", but I have noticed that whenever he says it, I can feel his awkwardness. I asked "Do you feel like you're talking to yourself?" And he replied "More like an unknown stranger"
I feel so bad. I wish he didn't wait so long to tell me. He apologized for being so "disconnected" with me and my belly and our son, but now it all makes sense. 
Any advice from "been there" mamas to this first time mama and her awkward and loving fiance??

Answer

I don't think talking to a belly is natural. It isn't for me. And it feels quite "fake" that's the best way I can put it. 
I feel an emotional connection to my baby. I don't feel a need to connect through words, that even if she can hear she is too small to understand.

For men, i think it's very natural not to feel a bond until the baby arrives. 
And I don't see the point in trying to force something that isn't there often it can make men feel like they're supposed to feel something when in actual fact they don't.

Your fiancé has a whole lifetime to connect with his child once he or she is aurally born. In the meantime encourage him just to do what's natural for him. If that means not doing anything differently that's ok too.

Answer

Till the baby is born, men have a really hard time connecting for a couple of reasons: they are going through everything, they can feel the baby move, but it's more of a secondary kind of thing and then there's actually an evolutionary thing, which is why babies look a lot like their fathers when they are born, so they'll bond and take responsibility.
Just wait till he has his baby in his arms, things will change.
(My husband feels awful because as excited as we are and this was planned, he's having a hard time, but it's really common)

Answer

It's normal. I'm pregnant with #2 and even though hubby talks to my tummy (he did it with both starting with the day we got the BFP) and he comes and puts his hand on it and likes to feel the kicks and would kiss by belly good night but he told me that he only felt a real connection with my son when he actually held him and when he could recognize both our features in him. My son is 6 now and him and hubby have a great relationship.
It is different for men. Now some of them especially those not used to babies may not begin to form a connection with them because they don't fully understand them or they maybe scared to hurt them. It will come one day. That first smile or the first coo. I wouldn't push it.
We react differently. We start forming a connection with the idea of a baby and then with all the changes and feelings we get, that connection intensifies. For a man, this supposed baby is making his partner grow a belly and act strange it takes them a while to take it all in.

Answer

I'm having the same problem with my husband and daughter. He always puts his hand out when I say she's kicking and he feels her but doesn't really say anything about it.. Just goes back to what he's doing. He's never talked to my belly and when we go to ultrasounds he doesn't really act like he cares that it's our baby moving on the screen. I've just been praying the connection for daddies happens after birth.

Advice for my Fiance??

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