I hate breastfeeding

I know all the women out there are all "it's so wonderful!" And "we're bonding!" And meanwhile I'm over here with a child who won't latch, who needs to nurse using a shield and who isn't getting enough food. I stopped breastfeeding and just started pumping and now I can't seem to get any milk out, barley an ounce. Dr told me to make sure she nurses because that's what stimulates it. Started up again today but I have no way of knowing if she's even getting enough. She starts and just falls asleep. I assume she has to be getting something because she would be screaming for food otherwise. I don't want to feed her formula. We started supplementing and last night she got such bad gas we couldn't get her calmed down until 2 this afternoon. I hate myself for not being able to get her what she needs and I'm honestly starting to hate her for being a lazy little pain in my ass. My husbands all, don't worry nurse and the milk will come back and everyone says I just need to relax but how can I do that with no sleep and feeling like she's not eating? I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to look at her. I don't know what to do. I'm not bonding, it's all about the food and it's stressing me out. But not only is formula expensive and I can't afford it, I don't believe that formula is the best thing for babies and I don't want to resort to giving her that shit only 😩