Please tell me diarrhea isn't anything like labor.

Well I'm due in like two days so any time now. I'm currently sitting on the toilet, wanting to die, because I am having diarrhea cramps but (yeah this post is way tmi oops) hardly anything will come out. 
So someone please reassure me that contractions and labor do not feel like diarrhea because I honestly don't think I can do it 😭🙁 I'm shaking, lightheaded and getting the chills and hardly any relief this is awful. Oh and it smells so that's a plus lmao. I have no dignity left 😩 And the baby is not moving through this probably because I'm straining so hard. 
I cannot take this oh god if this is what labor is like I hope I need a C section beforehand...