I'm struggling so much. I just want to kill myself. I don't want to do this anymore. I CANT do this anymore. I ask for help and don't get it. I just cried to my husband about this and explained how I'm feeling and he didn't say anything and just went to sleep. It's 10:30 AM here and he just went to sleep while I struggle with a toddler and a newborn. He doesn't even work or get up with the baby at night but he's always sleeping while I run on fumes. My two year old is more supportive of me than he is. She always tries to calm the baby for me and she just saw me crying and having a breakdown and asked me if I was tired. I said yes and she told me she would go take a shower so I can rest. I go to sleep every night hoping I won't wake up ever again. My husband hates me and my kids are going to end up emotionally fucked up from me crying all the time. I go through the motions every day but I'm so exhausted I don't know how I can do one more second. I really want to just end it all but I don't know how to get the kids to a safe place so I can do that. I know I can just drop off the infant at a hospital or something because of safe haven laws in my state but what do I do with the toddler when she is too old for that? I can't even think about living without my kids, especially my toddler, but I can't do this anymore either. I feel like I only have one way out. I ask for help from other family members and they tell me that this is what I wanted so now I have to deal with the consequences. My kids weren't accidents. They weren't unexpected. But I just can't handle being their mom anymore.