Im scared

Im 37. I got pregnant for the firat time ever and after seeing baby and watching its heart beat, I was told at 7w.. Just 4 days after watching it beat, that there is no longer a beat.

I have never felt my age before.. Never worried about being a year older.. But this time I am scared. I am scared to try again because I dont think I can handle going through this again. 5 YEARS we tried and after we did it, it was taken away. I read posts on here of women who are on their 3-4 miscarriages and although I have the utmost respect for them, I know me.. I know in my heart and in my head I cant be one of them.

I want to try again.. My husband wants to try again.. But I am scared shitless... I thought that if we try again and manage to get pregnant again.. I dont want to tell anyone. Not my mother, not my best friend.. Shit, I dont even want to tell my husband. I just want to keep it a secret until I cant anymore. I know its not right.. That I should tell my husband, and I am sure I will... But Im scared of it happening again because next time.. I wont be ok... Mentally or emotionally.