SO caught me searching porn and made me feel like crap😢

He borrowed my phone and caught me searching for porn. He told me "what was wrong with me, its not like im a teenager for me to be doing things like that". He also told me that if im really that 'desperate' just to tell him???....Ugh can you believe it me desperate? When there been times that I want to do it and he's not in the mood or tired or for me to wait till the weekend....BTW im crying while typing this. He said that, 'what's wrong with me, like a brand new mom shouldn't be doing those things....Im a FTM to my 4 month old baby....

Overall, the reason I look (not masturbate) is because my relationship is so boring. There is no spark nor is he romantic. Im the kind of girl that loves a little random spank now and then or something!! Instead at nights we sleep with our backs facing each other...! I feel like our lives is just a constant replay everyday. Don't get me wrong I know he gets home late and tired from his job therefore I don't ask for much but the few times I do, I get shut down:( And don't get me wrong, he loves being a dad to our newborn baby, he's always so happy to see him, I just wish he would be like that with me....Idk maybe since my body isn't the same as before I was pregnant he doesn't feel sexual towards me?😢

EDIT: ***Well ladies I tried it again but he knocked out. I swear I feel like the dude in this relationship, oh well I have to accept that my SO is boring....***