I gave up.

I gave up ttc today.

Not forever but until I can be a better wife and potential Mother. My husband and I are taking space in order for me to do that too.

I feel so ashamed but it's for the best.

I want to be a mom/wife who is energetic, who can keep a clean house, who can take initiative to make people happy including herself; a person my husband and future children can be proud of.

I don't want to be the depressive, low energy, selfish mom/wife like my own mother.

And I refuse to be.