Kendra • Find your own happiness. Don't do what others expect of you. ~Baby Dust~
My sil is getting married on my due date. As she and my mil plan I can't help but feel excited for her. But I've never been more on the verge of tears. I'm crying right now. I never got my wedding. From day one my family had hated my husband and never gave him a chance. We tried to plan and they refused to pay for it. So we saved a little over $3000. We were happy with our nest egg and began planning again. Everyone and I mean everyone was against it. Everyone was taking over and making it about them saying it was for the family not the bride and groom. We got fed up and eloped secretly. Well it being a small town it got put on the front page of the paper. We were devastated. Everyone was so angry with us. They went from hating us getting married to complaining about us not having a ceremony. We ended up ignoring them. We were happy and living life. Now our anniversary just passed on Oct 15, 2016. This was a whole year without a wedding. Soon after my sil announced that she was finally planning hers. I felt that twang of jealousy start but I ignored it. With every new thing getting planned I feel more and more jealous. I regret never having my own wedding. It's a horrible feeling. We can't afford one now anyways with the new baby on the way. Everything I read says it's too late. I had my chance and I could never have a celebration that was the same. It says I can't have a bridal shower. I can't throw the bouquet. I can't get the gifts. I can't wear white. I can't do anything but say my vows. I'm worried it's too late and that everyone will judge me. It won't be for at least another year or two because of this new baby. Im worried that now that im having my first born that it will never happen. I have a Pinterest wall and wedding book filled with my dream. I know it's not supposed to be a big deal and that I'm supposed to appreciate the marriage and everything but I have this horrible sense of regret eating me up that we didn't properly celebrate this new marriage. I just can't get over it. I wish I had gotten my special day and it was torn away from me. I will never get a second shot at it. It won't be the same. I don't even know if I should try. I don't want a vow renewal I want a wedding. A real wedding. It doesn't have to be fancy and expensive I just want a nice wedding and reception. Should I try? Is it too late? Did any of you feel these regrets or were you in a similar situation? What should I do? What will people think? Will it be the same? What do you think? How do I get over this feeling?