I have a full scholarship but I hate college. I hate feeling sorry for myself and pulling people into my issues. I feel ungrateful for not being happy about being in school when I have a full scholarship and I'm sure other people would love to be in my position, but as much as I'm trying to have a you gotta do what you gotta do attitude I just feel depressed. Like I cry daily, I cry hysterically when I go home on weekends and have to come back, people keep saying that I'm losing weight and I'm really not trying to if anything I've been hoping to gain weight, and it's not as if I'm not eating on purpose just leaving my dorm feels like such a chore that I just forget, I'm breaking out like crazy, every time I think about school my eyes water up, my mom keeps saying don't work the first year because I need to make sure I get good grades to maintain my scholarship but I'm running out of money to pay for gas so that I can actually go home one weekends, I don't sleep anymore I don't like doing the things I used to do, I love writing but I don't write for myself anymore, I can't find anything to write about. I used to write stories and that made me happy but I just don't know what happens next in anything I've written. I used to exercise everyday and loved it but now going up and down the stairs in my housing building is a chore in itself and sometimes when I'm laying in bed my body aches because of how inactive I've become but all I want to do is lay in my bed. I break down every week more or less and my mom keeps asking me if I want to withdrawal myself because she's afraid of me being depressed but I feel ungrateful. This is what I wanted, I wanted to get a full ride to school and I did, and now I just don't want to be here. I used to always be able to look on the bright side but I just feel miserable all of the time. Even when I go home for the weekends all I can think about is going back and I start hyperventilating and getting teary eyed. My boyfriends even pointed it out, he's said ever since I've started school I'll just slip into random moments of sadness and he never knows when it's going to happen and he doesn't know how to help. people are worried and I just feel like I'm dragging everyone into my problems and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'll never hear the end of it if I drop out.