I'm 31 weeks in a few hours with my first and I have to say.. The dream of having 4 or more children has gone. I don't think I'll be able to do this again.

My pregnancy was an accident but I happily accepted the fact I was going to be a mum. Abortion was never an option for me. But since about 19 weeks, I've hated it. I've hated myself. I cry everytime I get dressed and look in the mirror. I am so mad at my boobs, I was a 10DD, and now I'm a 14G and I just can't look good or be comfy in anything.

When I think of the next few weeks I just want to scream because I feel like I can't anymore. I'm terrified of having a baby now, it's so much more real than it was at 5 weeks! I'm scared of having someone so dependent on me... Hearing people say I'm a mum makes me upset because I can't even connect to my baby.

I'm just ranting because no one understands... My boyfriend wouldn't understand. I tried to explain this to him at 23weeks and he said "so you don't want her? You don't want this?" and got mad at me.

He seems to love her so much already and I wish I did. All I feel is the discomfort and pain, she kicks my ribs and it hurts and I just want to tell her to stop! I don't want to be pregnant anymore 😖 I'm not good at this, I can't deal with the changes. I don't think I'm going to be a good mum because of how I feel about myself.

Is there anyone, anyone at all, who feels even close to this? I break down everyday, alone, in my bedroom. I feel horrible.