Bleeding while having a BM

This is super embarrassing.. That's why I'm going anonymous lol so please go easy on me. I'm 9 weeks PP and everytime I go to the bathroom it's so painful. Like it feels like my bum is literally ripping. Like I can feel it tearing if that makes sense. and there's a lot of blood. I thought it could be a hemorrhoid. But there's nothing physically there? It's so frustrating. I'm gonna call the doctor Monday but I'm still so embarrassed I don't know if I'm torn down there or what. 😩😩😩 helpppp