So today was the first day my husband and I took our 4 day old out into the world. We had his doctor's appointment and then we had a few short errands to run. We went to see some family and while over at my in-laws visiting, after dinner, my lingering headache turned into a tornado of emotions. Of course I kept my composure, but my husband somehow knew I wasn't feeling well. We packed up and came home. I cried silently in the car. (I try not to show I am going through emotional phases because I don't want anyone to feel like it's their fault.) Our little boy was not feeling it when we got home and I had to feed him. Of course my magical pump that my husband just got stopped working. So I fed little man on the breast and cried because of the amount of pain, my emotional tornado, and the fact that my oh so wonderful pump wasn't working. After a long stretch of hiccups, spit up, throw up, gas, diaper changes and onsies changes, I finally got him to calm down enough to give him one of my pumped bottles. I fixed my pump and pumped almost 3 oz after him eating 3 times on each side. I was so relieved and happy that my boobs and nipples wouldn't have to endure much pain tonight. I have 2 bottles in the fridge, my bottle warmer set up and ready to go and the bathroom is clean! I finally feel like tonight we are finding a routine and getting a schedule going. Its hard for me to feel content with anything lately or feel like myself because I am a FTM, who like all FTMs, has never gone through the full experience of having a child. I am healing quite well (in my opinion) and even though I don't feel so good right now, I know its going to be okay.