A letter to my ex
Empty thoughts;
I love you
And I wish you would text me and apologize like you used to so i can say let's have this conversation in person so we can both say what we need to say face to face and try to work it out because I always want to be with you without you I feel like there is something missing
I can't sleep and I know it's anxiety I really want to text you cause I know you're probably awake
I just don't want to bother you or get no reply at all it really hurts that I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back
I knew the first time you said you just wanted to be friends with "her" I should have let you go
I was so naive to think that you really meant it when you said I had nothing to worry about
I think that I was caught up in the idea of love because I knew then in that moment when I was so pissed that you went to see her for a second time that I was in love with you
That wasn't the first time that I knew I loved you it was the first time that I knew loving you was going to hurt like hell it was one of the low points that made me realize how high you had taken me
The first time I knew I loved you was when you snuck to my window and gave me gummy bears and some Advil I was in trouble so we had to whisper so my mom wouldn't hear us you looked up at me with your goofy grin and I couldn't help but smile back (this sounds very corny) looking into your eyes in my head I said I am completely and utterly in love
It took me two years to say those words to you and I knew them just in three months
I had a feeling when you said them back that they were empty and you were just telling me what I wanted to hear
I was so blinded by my own feelings for you
i ignored the fact that your heart already belonged to someone else
I remember asking you if you thought you could love two people at the same time I can't remember your answer but I replied with I think you can be in love with one and have love for the other
When I said those words I was silently praying that I was the one this time around that you were in love with
I was wrong. the last time I tried to fight for your love was when I had enough your words destroyed me
I had thought that there was nothing left that you could say or do that would hurt me as bad as the last time or the time before that
You said that you had never loved me
You said that you were just trying to replace what you had with "her"
That I could never be "her"
Making me feel like I was never good enough
Our last encounter after these words I texted you for a hookup knowing that after I would feel terrible I still went
Laying next to you And feeling your body against mine I fell in love all over again as you whispered "I missed you so much" and "I'm sorry" it felt just like old times I wanted to stay in that moment forever
Even after that last time I still wonder if you ever really loved me...
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