Heart broken...

I had a miscarriage, and ever since I've been missing my child so bad. U guys don't know how jealous I am when I see all u guys posting about ur healthy pregnancys. I'm happy for u all don't get me wrong I just wish I can be in ur shoes u know.. I don't know if my baby was going to be a girl or a boy. If I had a baby girl her name was going to be Melanie Adreanna Campos and if I had a baby boy his name was going to be Adrian Gabriel Campos. (My bfs last name). Ever since I lost my unborn child I feel like I haven't been the same. I lost my baby 2 years ago and I still have my ultra sound picture as my wallpaper on my phone. My baby looks like a little teddy bear so cute💝 And honestly ever since I lost my child me and my bf have been fighting alot.. we don't blame eachother for the lost but it makes me feel even more depressed.. I lost my baby and now I feel as if I'm losing him. He did end up talking to another girl but I forgave him cause he forgave me when I messed up. And I also love him so so much. But we are still fighting so bad.. i wont and cant let him go until i know thats what i really want. and sometimes I look at my baby's ultrasound and I always ask myself how would things be between us if my beautiful baby was around.. even if my bf was not part of the picture anymore I would still want my baby by my side. I was excited to be a mother. I was excited to give my baby a loving caring fun life. I still tell my baby I love u even though the baby isn't here physically. I just feel like my life is going down hill. Lost my baby and now I'm losing my babe. It's so hard I'm trying to be strong still trying to work everything out where we can be happy again and have a happy family. But if it doesn't work out then that's okay. Life will move on anyways, life will give me better opportunities, but for now I'm working on fixing what's broken, I'm working on fixing what are weaknesses are at so we can build back on our strengths. Yes we are not married but we sure act like a married couple lol. So if marriages can find a way on how to work things out together and make it work then so can i. And i will keep trying till he wants out or we both want out. I believe we love each other with all our hearts were just on a roller coaster right now but its worth the chance to me. I pray and hope this all works out📿❣. I'm not expecting people to respond to this I'm just writing what I've been holding in..