I just really feel it in my heart that my husband and I are never going to have our own child. Everything happens for a reason and maybe we are just not meant to have children of our own. Whether it's God's plan, or the universe, or fate, I just feel like it's not written in the stars for us... after 3 years of trying and miscarrying both babies, I have just given up. I can't lie to myself anymore. When I used to speak about our future children, I would say "when we have kids" but now I've noticed myself say for the past few months "if we have kids". I'm just beyond heartbroken. Some nights after my husband goes to sleep I just look at baby stuff on pinterest and cry to let those feelings out. I just needed to get that off my chest.