healing

Trying to cope after surgery from loosing your first child is the most difficult thing ever to get over! The pain from the scars from surgery makes it even worse bc it hurts like hell and i feel helpless like i can't go on with my life and i just want to give up on myself and even trying again. My dr said i can try again now when i feel like I'm ready but to be honest I'm really scared to try again after going tru what i went tru. I'm so afraid that it will happen to us again or that thigs will go wrong again, we lost our baby and i lost a tube...the pain seem to linger and I can't seem to move on i put in a happy face for everyone and pretend that I'm fine just for everyone to stop asking me questions bc it makes the pains worst bc of all the memories but deep down I'm still dying inside! How do i move on from this??? How do i tell myself not to feel scared and that everything will be alright?? I don't know how i will cope but I'm trying...