I hate breastfeeding.

Ash • Married 8.2.2014. 1st Boy 11.24.16. 2nd Boy 8.27.18
It's just not working. I had really bad mastitis, clogged ducts and bleeding nipples, whole nine. Was on an antibiotic that gave my baby bad diarrhea, upset stomach, and a nasty diaper rash. Tried supplementing Similac Sensitive formula, he got constipated, gassy, andskin dried up. Finished the antibiotic, everything was good for a couple days, there was hope. Now, we both have thrush/Yeast infections. He's been fussy and not latching right. My nipples constantly burn and itch and my boobs are so sore and red. The pain from feeding him takes my breath away. So now I'm just waiting to hear back from the dr. Why is it so dang hard to naturally feed him?? I can't give up, formula didn't sit well with him. But I'm having a hard time. I dread feeding him. And I shouldn't.