My experience in an abusive relationship

The summer before my freshman year of high school, I met him. We seemed to hit it off and I became very good friends with him even though he lived 5 hours away. The next summer, we started dating, and I thought that all my dreams had come true. Boy, was I wrong.

What I thought was a dream soon turned into a nightmare, but I was blind to what was happening. I loved him, and I thought he loved me too, but looking back now, I know he never really cared. 

I didn’t begin to realize just how awful my situation was until I was two years into the relationship. We started arguing a lot because I would call him out on the way he was treating me. He would deny it, and somehow, always made me feel bad in the end. In the beginning of January of 2015, I broke up with him. We were arguing that day and he asked me if some other guy was making me act weird. I couldn’t handle it and I left.

I wish that I could say that was the end of things, but I can’t. That breakup lasted all of a day, I couldn’t stomach the idea of living without him. I kept thinking of all the good times he and I had, yet I somehow was able to leave out all the times that he had hurt me. 

In March, we broke up again. After telling him that I just wanted to take some time to myself during my senior year of high school, I had never been single, he blew up and told me that I was using him to build up my self confidence so I could dump him and go mess around with as many guys as I wanted. As someone who struggles with self image and confidence, that statement hit me hard, and I didn’t think about him again for three months.

In the end of May, he and I got back together (again). He had texted me multiple times saying how badly he missed me and needed me in his life, and I fell for it. Even him talking about the drugs and girls he used to try to fill this “void” that I had left didn’t make me think twice. I thought I was in love, and so I went back to him.

Now, this is where it gets really crazy. The first time I saw him in over 3 months was sometime in the beginning of July. That very day, he was pressuring me to have sex with him. And I fought and fought, but eventually I gave in.

In November, I went on a college visit with my graduating class. I thought I had started my period that morning, but knew something was weird because I wasn’t cramping the way that I usually do. Around the time we were loading buses to go back home, I had pains so bad that I was blacking out and could not stand. Come to find out, I had miscarried and had no idea that I was even pregnant. When I told him, I couldn’t sense even an ounce of sorrow or grief. Its like he had no idea that a tiny human that he helped create died inside of me. 

About a week later was my birthday. My friends and I wanted to go bowling to celebrate, but he wasn’t very happy about two of the people that showed up. Two of my very best friends, people who had been there for me through thick and thin, and He just sat in the corner the whole time and didn’t say a word. After we left he attacked me for inviting them, all because it was two guys. 

A month later, I had decided that I’d had enough. I couldn’t handle it anymore. So I broke up with him. He even tried to tell me that I couldn’t leave. But, for once in my life, I didn’t feel like I had to listen to him. 

I was finally able to let go. Its been over a year since then, and I haven’t spoken to Him once. Honestly, my life has never been better.

Now, I just want to say that I cut out ALL names from this post, and I didn’t go into very much detail about all the things that he had put me through. This was an abusive relationship, but he never laid a hand on me. He scarred me; emotionally, mentally. I can’t do things I could before because of experiences with him. Yet some people don’t see it as abuse. 

◦If you or anyone you know are in an abusive relationship (physical, mental, verbal, or emotional) I will ALWAYS be here for you.