The love that won't quit....(Opinions wanted)

I have this ex boyfriend of mine.... He was the first guy I dated after me and my sons father officially split. My son was only about 4 months old but he treated him as if he was his own. He treated me so well and he actually respected me. We dated for about 5 months and never once did he try to have sex with me or anything. We enjoyed our time together and spent it with friends and family. However, with it being my first relationship after a 6 year physical and emotionally abusive relationship, I didn't know how to appreciate this amazing man for how good he treated me. So with that being said, I ran.... I pushed him away, made a stupid excuse and left him.... The last night he tried to change my mind, he sat outside my house for 30 minutes asking me to talk to him, but being scared to get hurt again, I broke his heart.... Almost a year later, I went through a really bad depression and all I wanted was him.... But he wanted really no part of it because of how bad I hurt him.... Now, 2 years later, he is still the Man I am in love with. And off and on these past 2 years, I have seen him every now and then but here since July 2nd, we actually seen each other somewhat sexually.... We have had sex only once but I have actually gave him head a few times. Lol. Only because I rather have him in my life sexually than not at all. (stupid, I know) however, he came to see me last night, and we talked for a little bit before I did the deed. Lol. But like every time I see him, he hugs me and kisses me and to me, that is the biggest stress relief.... I told him that I didn't understand why I was so in love with him after all this time, and I asked how come he wasn't.... His response was "I was very much in love with you" but then he followed with "but you know I don't want a relationship right now, but we still have our whole lives ahead of us" and then he kissed me, and he hugged me so tight and kissed me again for a good little while.... Then I did what he wanted and then he hugged me again. I told him "its kinda funny, you get more out of me giving you head than I do, and I get more out of your hugs than you do" and he told me "and why do you think that? I get just as much out of your hugs as you do" He then told me that he had to cut it short because it was already almost 1am and he had to be at work at 6. But before he left, he told me he would see me soon and we could go have dinner or something and hang out with my son as well.... I then told him to have a good night, not to work too hard the next day and to stay warm and that I would talk to him soon.... I feel so stupid for still chasing after this man for so long, but when I am with him, everything just feels right.... I feel like everything else just melts away and I am content and at peace within my heart when I am in his arms. I'm still so confused but I don't wanna give up because there has to be a reason that my heart is still stuck on him for so long.... Anyone have any thoughts or opinions?! And plz no bashing. Lol