So I spoke with my SO about the possibility of having more kids. 
....and he doesn't want any more. 
I get his point. I have two and he has one. But I want one with him. No. I'm not into trapping. I've never been that way and never will be. But now I have to make a choice...
Him. Or another child. 
And I may not get that anyways. 
I'm 30 years old. I technically should only conceive within the next 5 years. And yes at this point it wouldn't be ideal at all to have another. 
I just absolutely love being a mom. And to have that ripped away from me just tears me apart. 
I don't know what I should do or what I should think at this point. Now I'm just rambling I guess. 
And I'm not going to have sex again until I get on bc. (Haven't had anything on the advice of my doctor.)