Upset

The 24th will be 3 years without my grandmother... she was my life and when I lost her my whole world flipped... I started drinking every weekend, sleeping with whoever whenever I felt like it... I hurt people, including myself. that was 3 years ago, and I feel like I'm doing better but still pretty hurt. I still want to drink every weekend but I keep from doing it, I wasn't doing myself any good. But when I do drink I turn into someone I shouldn't. My grandmother drank every day of her life and she ended up in bad health. She got cancer, but she also smoked... and I don't smoke.... I'm tried to fight the need to drink but I broke... what could I do to keep from braking again?