Orgasming

I have been masterbating for a few years now but have never experienced orgasm. I always get put off because I get so frustrated I end up crying because I cannot reach it. I get to a point that the best way to describe it is that it's like a barrier I cannot get past. I also have the sensation of that I am about to pee which also puts me off. I was told I am a squirter but I am terrified of wetting my bed and dont have enough time to myself to do so in the shower... Can someone help me? I havent actually masterbated in months because last time I did I cried myself to sleep and no one should have to deal with that when trying to pleasure themselves. ❤️

Thanks so much!