this is me , & I don't feel like me anymore

I've done things. Does this make me a bad or any less? Growing up I learned sexual beings are wrong ...that being pure is like a flower to hold dear to your heart. I get depressed after being sexual w my boyfriend is this odd ? I feel like I'm not pure , I take like 100's of showers after I get home because I feel dirty . Even though we don't go as far as to loose my virginity . We do other sexual things & I don't know why in the moment I do those things and then regret it . I feel like I'll be seen as less attractive to men after I loose my virginity & less wanted by the only guy I want, my boyfriend . He wants to go all the way and that makes me nervous . I also had got a bacterial infection on my legs called foliculitious right before we meet its where when you shave to hard and the tiny hair on your legs turn into bumps . So I still have tiny scars on my legs that are recent and it makes me feel so ugly and even more dirty . I try to scrub them off , I try . I try to be pure and the girl my boyfriend wants ... I just don't know how . Do these things make me ugly... Do they make me a crazy person... This is me and I'm not sure how or what to do...