My name is Barbara. I have had 2 losses already this year after 3 years of ttc naturally. My first was a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks my second was dx ectopic at 8 weeks. I am currently 8w 5d pregnant for the 3rd time this year without any fertility aids after so many years of failed ttc and am being dx with a blighted ovum. My uterus is an odd shape though no one seems confident enough to definitively name it tilted or tipped i was expected to be bicornuate but then told arcuate then told normal then told it curves by several different people but no one has commited to "tilted" just long and curved and difficult. As a result i have had problems with early pregnancy ultrasounds each time. This time however we were finally able to see a gestational sac last week but no fetal pole or yolk sac. The report says ultrasound was limited view and my dr explained this is bc the location of my pregnancy in my odd uterus leaves it juuust within the range of the ultrasoud now that it is bigger. It is why they couldnt find it earlier and why the view is limited now. I waited a week and followed up yesterday and while the sac grew and appears to be the right size for my dating (which i am 100% sure of) they still could not see anything inside not even a yolk sac. The report again says limited view but i was able to see it on the screen and while the image was grainy the sac was clearly visible and so i know the baby should have been too. My dr agreed to send me for a confirmation sono at a radiology group with a stronger machine in hopes of them having a clearer image to ease my mind and i am scheduled for that tomorrow, well actually in a few hours. I can not sleep bc i am not ready for this to be over. My husband and i are good people i know that we are, and it is so disheartening to have to wait and wonder why we arent as deserving as all of the couples around us without struggles. I feel like a failure yet again thay my body can not care for these babies and keep them a live. My uterus feels like a graveyard and my heart feels like it has been ripped to shreds for the 3rd time this year and im not sure how many times a heart can be put back together before the missing pieces become too much. My brain has flip flopped between sorrow and complete and utter dispaid to niave hope that some how some way this ultrasound tomorrow is going to reveal that my baby has been there all along. After all i havent had any pain or bleeding i am still vommiting and my hcg is still rising so everything must be ok, i even took another pregnany test and the line is so dark the control is barely visible those are all the signs people obsess over right? All the signs that everything is ok. So it has to be, right? I know they will tell me tomorrow it is time to stop hoping that i should keep the dnc appointment i have for next week that i can try again that at least i am getting pregnant so theres that... that i cant let this effect me forever. That im gonna be ok. That if it is a blighted ovum i didnt even lose a a real baby this time so thats easier. But im not ready to hear those things. I am not ready to admit it is over and that nothing really means anything. I am desperate for prayers that a miracle will send my child to my little empty sac now as i sleep, that they will magically find an 8 week baby happily curled in there tomorrow maybe even a wink and a wave to ensure life is good. I just need them to see something, to tell us it is real and its not over and our hopes and prayers havent been for nothing, i need anyone who truly believes and believes that we are deserving to please pray with me that they will find a miracle baby with a beating heart in my uterus tomorrow, that i will get to see him or her even just once. Please pray for my husband and I to get our miracle if you see so fit, i am catholic and pray to the saints and to God every single night and im afraid maybe i dont have enough positive energy to get my prayers heard. I havent done bad things in my life but i am not perfect and if it is my karma that is holding us back i need to know how to fix it bc my husband is a saint he cant possible have one drop of bad karma and he doesnt deserve to keep hurting like this so please, if anyone can help pray with me to help these prayers be heard i will be so grateful. We are desperate for a miracle and the time feels so limited. 🙏