How true is the "keep yourself up" to maintain a marriage?

Question

Ok I know about the rule , keep yourself up to keep your marriage happy. I agree to a certain extent.  I don't think looks should be the main reason a man or woman is with you.  What happens if you have a baby and have trouble getting the weight off?  What if you get breast cancer and lose your breasts and hair?  What if you get in a car accident and lose a limb?? Etc etc.  You hear men straying during those times a woman's physical appearance changes so I definitely wouldn't want a man who loved me only because I was attractive to him.  I'd rather a man love me for me because that never changes.  I mean I do my hair, nails, and keep my makeup nice but I have been having difficulty losing weight because of some meds I am on.  I recently stopped taking them. But I want to lose weight for ME.  I just believe it's important to keep yourself looking nice for your partner to a certain extent.  If he's doesn't want to have sex with you because you have 15 extra pounds of baby weight on you, to me that's superficial and not real love.  Opinions!!!

Answer

I don't think it's about the physical, aesthetic maintenance perse, but caring about and taking care of yourself. My husband would never love me less if I gained weight or stopped doing my makeup, but if I seemed unhappy/unhealthy he would bring it up. Not because it would change the way he felt about me, but because he would be concerned for my health and well-being.

Answer

I dont think you necessarily have to "keep yourself up" for your partner.  Looks are not everything in a relationship.  However in healthy relationship both partners should be striving to be the best versions of themselves.  That includes physical, emotional, and spirtual aspects.

Answer

I disagree. I don't think you HAVE to do anything in hopes that your marriage will last. It should last regardless of whether you do your makeup or get your hair done. If your husband even considers leaving because he thinks you don't "keep yourself up", he's not worthy of marriage. He needs to love you through everything-- childbirth, weight gain, sickness, and aging which all can leave behind some not so pretty effects. It's not about looks and men who realize that have the greatest relationships.

Answer

There's a difference in letting yourself go and not caring and also getting sick or having a baby when things happen out of your control.  That's what the vowels are for (in sickness or in health)!  You should know before marrying someone if they're superficial or not.  But I know it gets by some!  I take care of myself because it makes me feel better not because I'm trying to please my husband but I know he appreciates it.  Also, I like being able to run around with my kids and do fun physical activities!  I wanna be here for my kids as long as possible too!  I don't really wear makeup unless I'm going somewhere and I don't always have my nails done.  I also appreciate my husband keeping his facial hair nice and getting haircuts!

Answer

I'm not confident postpartum after gaining weight. I've had 3 kids and my body isn't the same anymore. But I've also always successfully lost my weight after each child. Once I'm smaller, my confidence goes up. My husbands attraction to be is drfintiely attached my confidence in myself. When I feel good, it shows and he knows it. I was confident when he met me. It's one of the qualities that he loved best. If I never got that back postpartum it would certainly impact my relationship.

I would not have married my husband if he was superficial. We've been together a long time and we're happier than ever. We are both different people than we were a decade ago, but we've managed to grow together rather than apart. I believe in putting my marriage first and foremost above all. We are confident and happy together for our kids. We gross them out daily. We prefer it that way

Answer

My husband explained this to me..

It's not about maintaining your weight of any of that you explained but it's more of a "don't let yourself go" thing. Still try to look nice. Take a shower,brush your hair, makeup, brush your teeth, etc. it will make you feel good and it will make your husband feel good about you. Same goes for him too. Nobody wants to be married to someone who never takes pride in their appearance and hygiene

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I think you can be 15 lbs heavier and still be keeping your self up. I think it's really important to want to look good for yourself and your partner. But you can do that and be heavier. I think keeping yourself up is a state of mind more than anything, it's wanting to please the other and keep them happy along with yourself.

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It depends.  Would you feel the same if he gained 200lbs?  Would you still want to sleep with him and be there for him?  It's superficial, right?

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My love and I are going to start working out together after the baby. We already got a membership....ive always been average but this last pregnancy...gained more weight than I have my other pregnancies...and yes i would like to get back to my pre pregz weight...and i have a hair color and cut set already....nothing wrong with keeping up at all...

Answer

I don't think it's about your appearance so much as good hygiene and putting forth an effort. Coming home to slob everyday who smells like B.O isn't exciting. If your married to someone you're supposed to be trying to be with them for the rest of your life. Excitement and physical attraction is apart of keeping that spark. So yea i do think you should try to remain physically attractive for your SO whatever there definition of that might be lol everyone's is different.

How true is the "keep yourself up" to maintain a marriage?

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