He's made me want to self harm, but I can't leave him.

It keeps turning into big fights. I can't even get off with him anymore because I think the arguments have just pushed us too far apart to share that connection. Almost every good moment is stained with bad. But I can't leave him. I almost hate myself for it. Today he cornered me, knocked a whole bunch of stuff over and threw the nearest object just by me. I need help, I know he's a disrespectful asshole I just can't leave.