I'm afraid of sex..?

Question

My current boyfriend and I haven't had sex yet... I'm not a virgin. I went through a traumatic experience with the guy I lost my virginity to.. he was very abusive and he would force me to have sex with him. Since breaking things off with that guy a year ago, I stopped having sex. I had a one night stand with a friend of mine last summer and I freaked. I want to be intimate with my boyfriend but I have this feeling that sex is bad and just thinking about having sex makes me feel really insecure about my body.. and sometimes after we been really close to having sex, the next day I'll feel pain down there as if we did have sex I know it's probably all just in my head but I don't know how to get over it.

Answer

Okay, first work on healing yourself. It sounds like you have trauma from your first partner and issues with self worth. Therapy, meditation, talking it through...whatever helps. Exercise and a good diet will help you feel better about your body.

Then think about what you want and research. Talk with your partner as well, communication is key. When you feel ready, give yourself a little spa day and take care of anything pressing. Then slowly ease into having sex.

I know this sounds really complicated, but you won't regret it.

Answer

First I want to apologize for the traumatic experiences you went through. I myself used to be afraid of sex because of traumatic things in the past. Take your time to be comfortable with this guy. If he loves you he will definitely understand. And with that bond and trust you will find that sex isn't that scary. It's actually fun and exciting. Remember he isn't that asshole that hurt you before. Maybe even try to be the one in control of the situation and also have a safe word for when you ever do feel uncomfortable. Good luck girl.

Answer

Wow the EXACT same thing happened to me! No joke. The whole having and abusive guy for a while and losing my V to him and then later having a one night stand with a close friend of mine... Any way I think I can help because I felt the same about being scared I just got over the fear last month too
First, do you feel like he loves you a lot? Does he make you feel happy and confident about yourself

If so, trust him, once you've made a good memory with sex it will stay and those bad moments in your head will start to ease away 
Then you won't fear it so much. Be confident in yourself girl😘 I believe in you

Answer

Just relax and and don't plan to do it just let it happen if it happens

Answer

I completely understand. Don't rush trying to be intimate with your boyfriend. Obviously you feel attracted to him so that's a good sign but don't give up anything if you're not ready. In my opiniom you haven't even lost your virginity, so if you have any negative feelings about yourself or about sex work on releasing it. Your ex used sex as a weapon, which is what sex is not. Sex is meant to be enjoyed and you are meant to be loved. Also explain to your boyfriend before hand if he's not already aware.

I'm afraid of sex..?

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