Did I overstep?

Question

Last night I was eating dinner at a restaurant and at a nearby table were 2 parents and their twin boys (about 2 months old). The Mom seemed to have left at one point and left the twins with the Dad. Both Twins started to scream and cry and the Dad frantically tried feeding them both. He would switch one bottle back and forth between each kid and the situation was just a disaster. People were starting to get annoyed and the poor Dad seemed frustrated and embarrassed. My husband looked at me and said "go help". Although I was a little hesitant I walked over and quietly asked him if I could help. He nodded yes and said he had another bottle in the diaper bag. I picked up one baby and started to feed him and a few moments later both babies were quiet and content. About 10min later the Mom walks in and looks extremely upset that I'm at the table with her husband and kids,she gave me a dirty look . I just ignored it and said " Sorry,I just had to help but everyone looks happy to see you". She didn't say anything but told her husband "guess you couldn't cut it"... I then layer the baby down in the carseat and said "enjoy the rest of your dinner".I'm really puzzled by her reaction. I wasn't expecting her to praise me for helping but I didn't expect her to be upset. Did I over step my boundaries?

Accepted Answer

No, you asked first, and he accepted. If you had just sat down and and started helping, that would have been overstepping.

Answer

This is so sad. I've heard so many parents express that they wished someone would help them in a moment like this rather than to throw dirty looks their way. But of course everyone has different levels of pride, guilt, embarrassment etc. She could have very well just been lashing out from being embarrassed. People attack when they feel defensive. Whatever was causing her to feel that way... Who knows? It's unfortunate that her husband had to receive the brunt as I'm sure he's just trying his best. But I wouldn't beat yourself up for it. You were doing a kind deed and you can't help how other people take it. This unfortunately is a good example of why people are discouraged from doing nice things or "what's right". But it doesn't mean the world needs less good people like you.

Answer

I would be incredibly taken aback and super annoyed that my husband let some random stranger sit and hold/feed my child.  I don't know if that person is sick, mentally ill, or anything else.

Your intentions were great but my momma bear instinct would have flared up and I would have wanted to strangle my husband. It wasn't about you, it was his place to know what the boundaries are and what his wife would/wouldn't be OK with. My husband and I don't like people touching our child if we don't know them, so neither of us would have said yes to this. Another person may have. It's about the parents and what their own methods are.

Answer

You did the right thing.

Answer

Maybe there's more to the story, maybe he doesn't help much and needs to learn how to cope on his own so she can have more of a break?

I would be annoyed if it were me, I wouldn't want a stranger holding my child and stuff. Even if they were trying to help out I'd feel it was none of their business and think what do they think we do when that stranger isn't around etc- I don't mean that rudely to you, that's just how I would see it. I know you meant it from a good place but not everyone sees it that way. They may have been judged before and wrongly assumed that's what you thought.

Answer

She's a new mom. A new mom of twins. There's a lot going on. She's exhausted, stressed and her hormones are still all over the place. Don't take it personally.

Answer

No. What you did was very kind and helpful. Her reaction probably had little to do with you and more to do with her and her husband. Sounds like she took out her bad temper on you

Answer

I don't think so! It was really nice of you to offer to help. 1 infant with 2 parents in a restaurant is tough. 2 on 1 (especially when that one is dad, no offense to dads) is beyond tough. It would have been easy for YOU to give the mom dirty looks for leaving her husband alone with two screaming children in a restaurant, but instead you went out of your way to try and help him out. 
If the dad was uncomfortable he could have very easily said no. If I were that mom I would have offered to buy you a drink (or dessert ☺️) as a token of appreciation. You went out of your way to try and help.

Answer

You had good intentions and I guess having two. Ew twins the couple are probably sleep deprived and stressed out and never get to leave the house as often which could contribute to her reaction. I wouldn't over think it Hun I'm sure once she got home and calmed down she would be fine

Answer

You didn't over step but you have no idea what the back story is so I would just say hey good job for helping and not worry about it beyond that.

Did I overstep?

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