This week in "Things You Don't Read About Until It Happens To You": Chemical Pregnancy
This is not a question so much as a stream of thought. I think writing sometimes helps to "get it all out". I could put this in a journal, but then no one would see it, and maybe, just maybe, there is another woman out there who could use a laugh or a cry or whatever after searching "chemical pregnancy" in Glow.
I searched it. I found a bunch of old posts. I was going to respond, but....this stuff was from last year. Then I felt self-conscious about responding to a post almost a year old. So I made my own.
I just had what I believe was a chemical pregnancy. Of course I didn't go to the doctor (after googling "should I go to the doctor after chemical pregnancy?"). But here is my story, open for judgment (but not really...if you judge me I'll cry because I'm a hormonal, disgusting, snotty mess at the drop of a hat).
At 10 dpo I had all the symptoms: sore boobs, implantation bleeding, headaches, extreme fatigue, and so I decided to take a test on a whim at night before I went to bed. No sh*t, there I was, looking at a very clear positive test. I was so excited, so then at 12 dpo, I took another. Again....clearly a positive, and it was actually getting a little darker. So naturally, I told my family (big mistake in hindsight). Since my cycle is a little long at 31-32 days, I decided I would test again at 13 & 14 dpo. Is my math adding up here? I hope so. Anyway, I'll cut to the chase, tests on 13 & 14 were light. Hella light. Lighter than the tests on 10 & 12 dpo. And then my period showed up on time, like clockwork, complete with cramping that woke me up in the middle of the night. From what I've read, a fertilized egg is actually able to implant, but then doesn't remain viable for any number of reasons, which is just so sad, but it is also a crazy, helpful, and natural function of our bodies (that last part is my new mantra).
And on to the aftermath...It was pretty devastating because I did tell my family. I felt like such an a** for getting everyone all excited and then....like the boy who cried wolf....being like "siiiike" (or "psyche" depending on your generational or grammatical preferences). Obviously those weren't my exact words; rather, I sent a text just telling them I got my period. They already had their suspicions though--I mean, it was a super awkward let down when I took a FRER via FaceTime with my mom and it was super faint when it should have been getting darker at 13 dpo. That was the beginning of the end, and the start of all the internal questions: Was it psychosomatic? Did I imagine the symptoms? Did I force myself to see a line when there was no line? The answer is "no". This was real, and it's real for so many people, yet, I'd literally never heard of it until it happened to me, hence the title of this inaugural post in my made-up series of posts. So for now, it's on to the next cycle, I guess. The two major lessons I learned were to: 1) keep close hand for a while and 2) wait to test.
I'd love to hear any other lessons learned or insights on chemical pregnancy from anyone in this community. Stay tuned for the next installment of "Things You Don't Read About Until It Happens To You". Oh yeah...I can't forget the obligatory "baby dust to you all!" 'Til next time...
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