I have not really posted on Glow much. Maybe some comments here and there, but nothing really personal. Never an actual story about myself. I have been back and forth about what I should post and IF I should post today. So here it goes...

This morning I woke up like any normal morning- my husband going to work and my dogs by my side. I look over and see my thermometer, take my BBT and enter in the digits on my apps. I get up and go to the bathroom, while trying to fully wake myself up for the day. All the sudden it hits me. The anger and sadness I felt suddenly swooped in. AF had came the day before; but I guess I hadn't faced the fact that this month of TTC I was officially out. 

BUT WHY... I had tried so hard this month. I had tried things I haven't tried before. My husband took Fertilaid everyday and I religiously charted on all my apps, took tons of supplements, used ovulation strips and in return AF came (with a vengeance, may I add).  I suddenly found myself doubting God. with tears filling my eyes I questioned God over and over why he was doing this to us and what was the problem. Are we not qualified enough to be parents? Have we sinned so bad that God has removed that privledge from us? I wanted to know what was the problem. I pleaded and asked for forgiveness and begged for Him to show me some sign. 

I don't tell you all this story for sympathy, as I know some of you are going through the same journey as we are. I tell you all this because I need all the prayers I can get. I need some people to show me why I can't lose faith, and what God truly has to offer. I know deep in my heart that I can't lose faith and that God will at some point show us why we had to wait, but I keep finding myself drifting further and further away from my faith. 

Anyways, sorry for the long rant. It truly feels good to let it out how I have been feeling. ❤️️