Am I in the wrong not calling the police?

Question

Trigger Warning: this post involves domestic violence.

Last night I was witness to something awful.

This car was driving crazy down my street and then came to a sudden stop in front of my house. The female passenger got out and then the male driver. He was yelling at her, she was crying hysterically and sitting in my neighbor's yard across the street. I was outside, and so was the couple next to me and the guy that lives next to them.

The girl wouldn't get back in the car and the guy takes off. The girl got up and started walking. She was only a house or two down the street when her boyfriend comes driving down the street like crazy again.

The man got out, screaming at her and that's when he grabbed her and was thrashing her around. Honestly, words can hardly describe what he was doing, but she looked like a rag doll and was screaming for her life.

I screamed "get your hands off of her!" as loudly as I could and ran towards them, that's when the man threw her on the ground, got in his car and took off. My neighbors all went inside.

I helped the girl up, and I made sure she was alright. I apologized for being a stranger who was intervening and briefly explained that I was a survivor of an abusive relationship. I know what it feels like to love someone who then tries to kill you. I know that one strangers words will probably not be a catalyst for a women to suddenly leave her abuser and never look back.

She asked me not to call the cops. I asked her if she had friends or family I could take her too, but she wasn't from my city and doesn't know anyone. And she didn't want me to take her to a shelter. She said she lived just a couple blocks from me and she wanted to walk. I have her my phone number in case she changed her mind about wanting help.

I urged her to call me day or night bc that man would kill her given the chance. My husband, who wasn't home at the time, was equally proud that I saw something and did something but was also concerned that I just disregarded my own safety and ran towards danger. But I have to say, I'd rather risk my life doing what is right than turning a blind eye as my neighbors did.

So today I've been struggling with my choices. It all happened very fast, and today I just kept thinking I should have gotten that man's license plate, I should have called the cops. But what do you all think?

Answer

I personally WOULD have called the cops, taken down his plate number and give it to the cops. Many women ask not to call the cops, but think about this- u probably saved her life by being there and getting involved. Next time,  what if nobody like u is around?  
Regardless of what she said, I would have taken the plate nr and called the cops.

Answer

Definitely would've called the cops. You can't be around her 24/7 and save her if this happens again

Answer

I commend you for what you did and stepping in to help instead of walking away. I think in the moment, it's hard to think of the right steps to take, but I think you should write down the license plates if you see that car in your neighborhood. I think it's sweet that you gave her your phone number and risked your life for her safety!

Answer

I'd report it to the cops for information only. Explain how the woman felt. It would be awful to find out she had been hurt or worse later on if you hadn't helped. Good luck x

Answer

I also witnessed something like that once, I remember it feeling like it was happening so fast and I didn't know what to do. I didn't think to take down the license plate and call the police until it was too late because the car drove away quickly.

That would have been the best, but things don't always work out like that. You should feel bad. I totally understand why you do, though. I felt very bad, but ultimately you did a great thing & hopefully she will escape that relationship.

Answer

The problem is with calling the cops is that they will find the couple and she might get the blunt end result of a now even angrier parter. And if shes not ready to accept help from the police she will likely lie and say shes fine in order to keep him happy 😕 it sucks i know, i wasnt in an abusive relationship but i did go through very serious abuse on behalf of my parents, my school called child services several times and when i got home that night i got it even worse after cfs contacted my parents for questioning. I remember my school calling one time on a Friday, the worker said she would be busy later that day and would re evaluate my situation on the monday and called my step mother to let her know, when i got home i wasnt allowed food or water for the whole weekend, i was forced to write pages of lines saying i was a bad girl and deserved to be punished, if i spoke at all i was put in a corner where i had to stand on my toes with my arms above my head for hours and if i moved my dad would come by and swat the back of my knees with the broom and i had to do manual yardwork. When i came back on monday i lied because i was scared she was going to send me back but she made me strip to my undies and after seeing my marks she took me to the hospital and i was apprehended, fast forward several months in court she lied to the judge saying i was mauled by the family dog while playing with him (dog has three legs, deaf and blind and has brain damage from a car accident, pretty much a vegetable) but they believed her and i was released back to her custody only to repeat situation again. I emancipated myself at 13 after pushing her down a flight of 14 stairs and moved away.... Sorry for the long story, just a situation to think about filling in her struggles she may be facing

Answer

I would have called the cops myself. Maybe even follow her home to know where to send them.

Answer

Poor girl. Hopefully she will reach out to you but probably not. You did what you could and were in a tough spot although it probably would've been good to call the police since she's probably just gonna go right back to him. But you did what you could and that's all that matters

Answer

If they live so close then you may run into the car and jot down the license plate. Also keep in mind he knows where you live. So I'd do this anonymously. He'd never know who from which house called. And you did the right thing. Some men forget thier strength until it's too late

Answer

You did what you could at the time and you weren't a bystander. Hopefully she will reach out to you again if she needs help. Good for you!

Am I in the wrong not calling the police?

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