Lost. Venting. Advice & criticism accepted. Help. Looking for outside opinions. Dk whats else to do.

Ok. I'm 23 y/o old, 24 in August. My SO is 26 y/o, 27 in July. We are currently in a 4 year on&off/break up to make up relationship. (Extremely tiresome). We've been on since 04/12. (Break up or 2 here and there, smh) Currently we're "on" . But I no longer know if this is what I want. I have told him how I am feeling. But he won't give up. Everyday I've been mentally considering (just thinking about) something or someone new more & more. But when I think about my SO. I just shake the thought off and tell myself its just a rough patch for us. We've both committed infidelity in the past(during "breaks"/Beginning of relationship). But we always would end up back together. Now we are living together and I'm just battling with myself with these thoughts EVERY DAY. I'm feeling less and less like I know what the definion of happy is. Just wondering am I possibly forcing feelings that are no longer there or just confused to what I want out of life at the moment.

A little history:

We met August 2010. We were engaged in September 2013. But i caught him cheating with his child's mother in October 2013. I forgave him, called off engagement and took him back. We've had our ups and downs since then. But decided to try & make it work. Lately I just haven't been feeling it. I barely have a sexual desire for him though our relationship isnt based of sex. I jet feel like I'm faking it for some reason. Could i just be in denial that its over?