Well I'm going on year #4 of unexplained infertility... the plans I use to have were move to my home town where my family is (check) buy a home (check) and raise my kids in a big home, where we have family and they know their cousins and aunts/uncles but, infertility has still prevented that- and my "family" isn't so much the family I'd remembered. They're so wrapped up in their home they don't care about anyone else. We've lived here 6 months and I've seen my brother, sister and nieces maybe 4 times... so what's the point in having a big home for those Christmas gatherings, thanks giving? My family nor my husbands will fill the table. I can't even get pregnant so it's not like we are gonna fill the table, my husband has 2 kids. But visitations are few and between every other year and when they aren't with us they don't even speak to my husband because their environment they live in. 

So I've abandoned the dream of living in the hometown I've dreamed of raising my family, near my family and giving my kids the childhood I have. I'm coming to accept that maybe my husband and I should just buy a home somewhere else in our dream retirement town or a beach town and buy a 2bedroom condo and hunker down. 

Apart of me feels like this is me accepting I'll never be a mother. It's a constant battle between letting go, letting go of the stress and the heartache and putting my husband and I relationship above all else and just living. Or do I keep holding on to a false dream... buy a 3/4 bed room home I'll never be able to fill.... 

I'm really trying to figure out the best route from here... but I'm just unsure...