Hear me

I am frustrated I'm at my wits end I feel like I have incompetent people in charge of my very existence I feel like I am never heard I am spinning out of control!! my emotions are so highly charged I am physically not well I have been waiting for a month for an appointment with a specific surgeon I have exteam panic issues so I am very scared about a major surgery that I need to have any way the surgeons office says my appt is not with the person i thought i was seeing it is with someone ive never heard of and if i want to see thst person i have to wait another 2 weeks i cannot wait another 2 weeks so i have to see someone i am unprepared to see and dont trust so there goes the small piece of control i tried to have to keep from spinning out into ptsd land they put it on the primary care office I called the primary care spoke to the person who made the appt for me and did the referral with the ins co.i asked her how did this happen and she said to me I don't know I don't remember well fucking great cheryl that you don't remember well I am the one who has to have the major surgery not you !!! I feel like the people who I've had to deal with in the medical community could give a shit about what happens to me I am spinning out of control the very basic fact is that fear and panic are not rational my close personal support person died this weekend so I feel like I have no one to talk to while all this is going on the person listed as my primary left I had to meet the new primary yesterday she saw that I was completely out of control but the only thing she could say to me was go to the er well guess what if go the er route and they want to shove me through surgery I am not going to have a choice weather I get a hacker cuz let's face it some people get A's and some people get D's but they both pass and do you want the person doing major surgery someone who got Ds? Anyway thanks for reading I hope it made a little sense