Please Help

I think i need help. Most of the time i think about Death. Right Now i feel like dying. I always think about time running out. Things happened the past 3 years and i feel disgusting and repugnant about it. Im getting to a point where there seems to be no way out. I think if i tell my mom she'll get mad or be disappointed and ashamed of me if i tell her how i feel and whats happened these past 3 years. I just feel like killing myself and im so freakn sick of myself. I dont want to feel like this anymore, i want her to understand the things i do. Im just a big disappointment