suffering in silence

♡ 𝓚𝓪𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓪 𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓲𝓼𝓮 ♡
With me being a single mum and having the most horrible two weeks with my ex husband flying over , it's all taken it's toll on me.
My baby boy is two weeks old. I refused to let my husband meet him because over the last year he's been emotionally abusive towards me and can't be trusted 100% around him. He has now gone back to America , I live in the U.K.
Every night when the baby is asleep I finish off cleaning up and sit there and just cry and cry, uncontrollably. It hurts my heart so much that I've been put in this situation. I'm a nice person and I got treated like shit like I deserve it, I keep asking myself what have I done to deserve being treated like this making me now be a single mum with no support of a husband there.
I'm really finding it hard to cope. I thought the lack of sleep made it worse, which it does but I still feel the same.
I'm in love with my son he is a blessing and I try my very best not to be upset around him but my life is a mess and I can't picture myself with a future.
I have anxiety now too making it difficult to relax in public and I know no one will want me now. This all could have been so different, I could have been a happy family with support and had my own place but instead I can't talk to my husband , threats were made to my family and I was guilt tripped for not letting him see our son 😓😓😓😓
I don't know what to do,
Is there anything which may help?