Should I date before I love myself?

Question

*TRIGGER WARNING*
^just in case, not really sure if it counts

I'm 19 and I've never dated and never kissed anyone.

Long story short I was sexually abused online between the ages of 10 and 15. It started because I hated my body and it was the only way I felt like someone found me attractive. I ended up stuck in it because of blackmail and a lot of other fucked up stuff but I'm finally out of all that.

I still have some self confidence issues though and although it's not as bad as it used to be (i.e. I'm no longer trying to kill myself and some days I actually feel attractive) I still have a long way to go. Most days I'm not too bad but every now and then I'll literally break down crying because of my low self esteem and literally struggle to find one single thing I like about myself.

I've always felt like I should love myself before getting into any sort of dating relationship but for the past two years or so I've really, really wanted to start dating. I want a relationship, I want sex and I want to learn. I feel like I missed out on that part of my teen years and I want to catch up.

I have seriously considered going for a ONS to just get it over with because my main concern with dating is I wouldn't feel comfortable with a guy having his hands on me. Even if someone just touches my back I'm scared they'll feel my back fat or something, I'm a healthy weight but I haven't been able to shed the last couple kilograms but I have extra fat in odd places left over from when I used to be overweight. It would be pretty easy for me to do cause every time I go out to a bar or club I have guys hitting on me but I think I'd regret it so that's not happening.

For the past 4 months I've been flirting with this guy-friend I like and it's mutual. It's the first time I've ever had a 'proper' crush but I'm stuck. Do I go for it and see if he's interested in dating, risking some awkward problems because of my low confidence? Or stop leading him on, or any other guy, until I'm comfortable with myself?

Were you fully comfortable in your own skin before you started dating? How did it affect you?

Answer

Go for it, we all have issues with our bodies even the "perfect" people still find faults in themselves, it is very important that you build your confidence up and learn to love yourself for who you are, just remember that relationships dont always turn out how you think they will, but that doesnt mean that you shouldnt try, and if you find a really good guy someone thats right for you, there not going to see a single thing wrong with you, and they will be pacient with the issues that you have (touching) and can help you get over your fears but, you have to be the one to be determined to get over those fears, best of luck to you!

Answer

Just because you aren't fully comfortable in your own skin doesn't mean you don't deserve love from someone else. However, I wouldn't push it if I were you. Be picky, let a respectful and kind man come into your life!

Answer

Go for it! My relationships have all helped me find good things about myself, being with someone else can definitely help you find more things to like about yourself, and it also doesn't hurt having someone tell you how much they care about you, and that you're beautiful.

Answer

Love yourself first. If you don't, and he hurts you, you're just goin end up worse than you were in the beginning. If you love yourself first though, and he hurts you, then you'll a be strong enough to leave and say well, his choice, his loss. Yes, it'll still hurt, but you'll know it was his fault not yours and that it's nothing to kill yourself over and that life goes on and you have plenty of other people.

Answer

You should never, ever, judge someone's situation. Especially one of sexual abuse. You weren't in this person's shoes.

Answer

If you feel ready go for it. Be open and honest with the guy if you think you ready and wanna date then go for it.

Answer

A guy is not going to make you like yourself.  The wrong guy can mske you hate yourself, esspecially as fragile as you seem to be.  ONS might cure an urge but it isnt going to mske you like yourself either.  You really need a couple really good friends, get a hobby, join a Excersise group, go to church group, meet people who can help you see the good in you.  There is plenty of time for guys

Answer

If you're not capable of handling your own emotions and you are not emotionally and mentally independent, then what makes you think you can juggle someone else's as well

Answer

Sounds like you are working on loving yourself and i think if you keep talking to that guy and something happens then go for it! but dont rush anything keep working in you and loving yourself because for a relationship to work you have to respect yourself

Answer

It will be easier to be in a healthy, happy relationship if you love yourself first

Should I date before I love myself?

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