I HATE it when people tell me I'm lucky...

I don't feel lucky at 4am when my husband is yet again having to stab me with a needle because I can't do it. 
I don't feel lucky when I have to explain to my grandmother why she doesn't have great grandchildren yet. 
I don't feel lucky when I have to tell my husband who is absolutely perfect in the sperm department that the test was negative. 
I don't feel lucky when I have to call my mom and tell her the meds didn't work this month. 
I don't feel lucky when my husband sees a father and his child and says he can't wait until that's us. 
I don't feel lucky when I my period is a month late and I'm downing another pill to force it to come. 
I don't feel lucky when the crushing depression hits because I know I am the only reason my husband isn't a father, my mother isn't a grandmother, my grandmother isn't a great grandmother, and my brother isn't an uncle. 
I don't feel lucky when the one thing my body is supposed to do doesn't happen. 
I don't feel lucky when I remember how horrible my childhood was and now I can't even do the ONE DAMN THING my body is supposed to do on it own. 
I don't feel lucky. I feel depressed. I feel angry. I feel hurt. I feel hopeless. 
Stop telling me I'm lucky because you wish you couldn't get pregnant right now. You have no idea how emotionally and mentally hard this is. Not to mention the physical toll the medicines take on you. 
Report