Dating someone who's not verbally affectionate?

Question

Hey ladies.

I hate coming to eve with this but I'm really struggling. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. Short time but I'm absolutely head over heels for him. Everything about our relationship is perfect. I thought I would never meet such a perfect match. The best part is he is SUPER easy to talk to when something is bothering me. We don't fight and have rarely had conflicts- but whenever something has troubled either one of us it's easily resolved (not to brag but aren't I freaking lucky???)

Anyway there is just one thing that is really bugging me. As wonderful as he is, he is not verbally affectionate. He only says I love you after I do and very rarely does he compliment me. It's not that I need to be smothered by compliments all day or even everyday, but I just need something. Especially because my last relationship was extremely emotionally abusive and as a result I just need to hear how someone feels about me. I don't need the self esteem boost- just want to know that the way he feels about me and the way I THINK he feels about me are the same.

I've talked about this with him a few times. He was so cool about it. He said he'd try to be more verbal he just keeps it in and figured if he said something once like "you're gorgeous" he didn't need to say it again.

But still, barely anything. When he compliments me it's obvious he's trying to force it out because he knows I want it- but even then it's rare and just doesn't feel good.

I love him and appreciate him, but don't want to badger him about this. How can I make him more verbally affectionate?

Answer

I'm actually like this myself. I'm bad at when it comes to be verbally affectionate, but of course I've been trying since my boyfriend is bothered by it. I can understand why someone would be bothered me these things, but it does not mean that they don't love you or anything.
I still have to manually remind myself to say these things to him since it still doesn't come natural to me. Do I still think he's cute, and do I still love him a lot? Of course I do! I know how badly it upsets him when I don't say affectionate. He could try to make it a routine thing at first, and after doing that for a while it'll come naturally. That's what I'm hoping will happen to me too 😂
I personally don't think there's anything wrong with reminding him if there isn't any improvement though.

Answer

Since I can't edit my comment I'm posting a new one.

My boyfriend's not verbally affectionate at all besides the occasional "night beautiful" if he's texting right before he goes to bed.

He is however VERY affectionate with his actions. He kisses my forehead when I'm sleeping, he kisses the back of my shoulder when we're spooning, he pulls me in close if he wakes up before I do when I sleep over, he always ask if I want anything from the store which I think is sweet, he on occasion gets me buffalo wings from the restaurant he works at when I go to pick him up,  he bought me a diamond necklace, when I was having a coughing fit which led to an asthma attack he got me ice cold water, a cough drop, rubbed my back, kissed my cheek, he runs my stomach on occasion just cause.

So I accept the fact he's not verbally affectionate because 
A. It's who he is I don't want to change a thing about him 
B. He does show affection just with actions

Answer

Some people communicate their affection through actions instead of words. When you're feeling in need of some reassurance of his love, think about his behavior - does he do little small things for you? is he supportive of your dreams and decisions? When you say your hungry, does he make you sandwich? My BFF and I are both people who have difficulty verbally expressing affection, so this is how we communicate - seriously, once after a small fight we had, he made me a sandwich and watched a hockey game with me and it was one of the sweetest things he's ever "said" about how much he appreciates my friendship.

Think of it like he's trying to communicate with you through an unspoken language - he's still telling you all those things you want to hear, but he doesn't know how to do it in a language that you understand.

Answer

This is EXACTLY my relationship except it's been four months and he has yet to say "I love you"

What I've learned to do is take no news as good news meaning if he hasn't said something about not liking me anymore or not being happy anymore or anything along those lines, then he's happy with me and still really likes me  perhaps even loves me but since he's not affectionate doesn't know how to say it

Answer

Some men are not affectionate. And that's something that u can see from day one. 
This is a very tiny detail. If he's wonderful in every other aspect,  I honestly don't see the issue. . But if it's something that ur willing to give him up over,  then do it.
Talking to him might or might not work.  Guys are who they are when u meet them. .. u try to change even the smallest thing,  and it may or may not backfire on u.
Try talking to him,  see how he feels about hugs and kisses and being all cute... if it doesn't work,  honestly,  it's not a big deal.  The guy loves u and u get along great. .

Answer

Not too be rude but of course everything is great five months in. It's the honey moon stage ! This is not something that would be a red flag to everyone but for you, your gut is telling you it is! Ever heard of the five love languages? There's books on it, online quizzes. We all have something we like to receive. Some people it's gifts make them feel loved for others it's touching and some, like you,it's verbal affection! I was in a similar relationship myself and I let it go on for too long not listening to myself. I found a guy who showers me in compliments and I could not be more happier that I didn't settle. Or else I would of never met him!  He doesn't have to be a POS for him to just not be for you. If he's not willing to put forth an effort over something you've been forward about being important to you. This will not be the only thing in the future he doesn't put that much effort towards ! Listen to your gut!

Answer

You can't really. My boyfriend is not an affection person. Verbally or physically. That's just the way he was raised. He just shows his love differently. He shows it by spending time with me doing stuff like running errands together when I could do it myself, he just pays attention to things I need around the house and buys it for me like I always mashed potatoes with big fork so he went and bought me a potato masher just small stuff like that. Or randomly gets me something cause he's thinking of me. I can't remember the last time he told me he loved me, which sounds shitty. But in my heart i know he loves me as much as I love him. He just shows me in a different way.

Dating someone who's not verbally affectionate?

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