Still holding on

I have a guy friend . We've been through SOOO much in the last year in a haft; from liking each other,flirting, and basically by passing the whole "we're friends" stage. Problem is I always tend to push him away. Not intentionally. But ig I've made he think I don't like him. Matter a fact. Now that I've lost him....I've finally realized how much I really love him. Confusing? Eh. Guess so. What should I do ladies? 🙌💯😩