My January 31st Birth Story

Rikki • First baby💜
Okay I'm ready to write my birth story so here it goes...
Sunday morning I woke up fine.. minor contractions but nothing to excited about. The day before I'd cried all day thinking I'd be pregnant forever and given up on timing anything. It was my due date no biggie. Preggo for life. 
Anyways, I played video games and mowed the lawn and spent just quality time with my husband. We made some spicy Mexican pasta for dinner and after I ate I had some serious BM that freaked me out followed by stronger contractions. 😳 I told my husband things just felt weird but I wasn't gonna make a big deal because he had work the next day.
We got in bed around 10pm and I fell asleep. I woke up to sharp contractions at about 1:30am and couldn't fall back asleep. I sat on my ball and watched Netflix and text my doula. She face timed me and told me my contractions looked like they were getting serious and this could be it. When Ricks alarm went off in the morning, I told him we weren't going to work but instead to the hospital. 
So there we are, Monday morning at 8am in the hospital. I'm exhausted from not sleeping and my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart. When they checked me I was 1cm and 50% effaced with the baby at -1 station. UGHHHH. So upsetting. They gave me a shot of morphine in my butt to let me sleep a couple hours and then sent us home saying they expected me back that night.
I got home and met my doula. We went for a walk around the mall and did some birthing stretches. I tried to nap but every time I laid down the contractions were way too painful. Everyone kept telling me to sleep and eat but I couldn't sleep and had zero appetite.
By 8pm we were on the way back to the hospital.. I was upset because I was terrified they'd just send me back home and I'd still be 1cm but my doula assured me there was no way based on the intensity of my contractions now. We checked in and they checked me. PRAISE JESUS I was 5cm, 80% effaced and baby was at 0 station. I was officially admitted.
This is where things get a bit hazy...
I get to the birth room (the one I wanted with the tub was taken ugh) and begin bouncing on my ball and trying different things to progress. The contractions were a bitch but I was so determined to get through them. As the exhaustion got worse, I had to pee more and more which was infuriating bc I was hooked up to an IV (thanks GBS) and had all of the fetal monitors hooked up to me. I was so frustrated and hated everyone having to help me. I kept feeling like I was annoying everyone. I'm weird.
At 4am they checked me again and I was still 5cm with no change. I was devastated. Everyone started telling me it was time to consider the epidural and pitocin and that my body was too tired to progress. Birth plan was going to total shit. My body was failing me and I was failing my baby. I just cried and cried as they read me the epidural warnings and made me sign the paper. I had a contraction as the did it and my husband had to bear hug me as I screamed into his shoulders in pain. Everything went really hazy after that and I finally fell asleep. 
I woke up at 6:45am and didn't feel anything.. my legs were buzzing and I could only move my left leg. The nurse for the morning shift came in and introduced herself. I asked who the new midwife was and everyone told me they didn't know but she'd be in soon. Well then it was 8am and no midwife. I asked again who it was and was told they didn't know and not to worry. 
Finally at 9:20am the new midwife came in. She wasn't friendly and I'd never had her before. I wasn't happy but tried to just stay positive that it WAS a midwife so things would be okay. I told them I felt like I had a tennis ball in my vagina and that I wanted them to check me. The bitch nurse said, "once your water breaks we can't check you as much. That's not the right feeling- you should feel like you have to poop. There's no sense in checking you." And walked out.
Two more hours and the feeling hadn't changed but the contractions were picking back up. I wasn't hitting the epi button bc I was mad at myself for even having it and decided I could at least use it as little as possible. Bitch nurse came back and finally agreed to check me. As she checks me she says something to another nurse and before I know it all these people run in with tables and shit and I start freaking out. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!? IS MY BABY OKAY?! The nurse looked at me like I'm crazy and was like "uh ya you're just fully dilated and ready to go but baby is still at 0." Would've been great if you could've just told me that.
My midwife finally came in then and explained that she wanted to give me two more hours to see if he would drop anymore. Okay fine. I tried to nap but I got maybe 20 min in before contractions were worsening and I had to hit the button. My midwife was supposed to come back at 2:15pm but I didn't see her til 3pm. In fact, the nurses told me they couldn't even find her. Wtf
I started pushing at 3pm and holy fuck it was hard. I was so tired. My dad had showed up and i didn't want him in the room originally but I was so tired and so emotionally drained I needed all the support I could get. My dad held my head and my husband and doula each took a leg. I pushed for 3.5 hours and the baby never moved past my pelvis. My midwife was in and out of the room constantly and let me know that she had "progressing moms to attend to." Cool.. 
After all of that they told me it was time to consider and accept a c section.. my body was too tired and the baby was too big. I lost it. I completely broke down hysterically crying my eyes out over my birth failure. Every single fear I had about birth and come true and I couldn't change it. My husband just held me while I cried and my dad and doula were crying next to us. It was such a defeated room. The midwife informed me that I could always have a VBAC next time and read me the precautions for the c section as the anesthesiologist began the new epidural and drugs to numb me.
My husband kicked everyone out of the room and that was the first time I saw real fear in his eyes. He told me he loved me and we had to get the baby out safely and he wasn't leaving my side. We both cried for a bit and then he let the doctors come back in and wheel me to surgery. 
I was shaking uncontrollably and fighting back tears as they prepped me and discussed their weekend plans and how I was "the last one of the day." I couldn't believe I was there..arms pinned down in a crucified style with my body numbing. I could move my legs the entire time and that scared me more forwhen they would cut me. 
Finally my husband was by my side and after hearing the doctor discuss every step to her student and seeing blood splash down on the floor- I felt a huge tug and then heard my baby cry. My husband and I were crying and I was just so relieved. That cry was so beautiful. Nothing could've prepared me for it. I turned my head as best I could to watch my husband proudly cut the chord and tell me his stats. Then they brought my baby to me and laid him across my chest. He held my finger and stared at me- my heart exploded I swear. Holy overwhelming love. 8lbs 8oz and 21in of perfection born at 6:50pm.
Idk what exactly happened next but they took the baby away and rushed my husband out of the room. I was hemorraging and my heart rate was spiked. I woke back up in recovery. The rest was just typical recovery I guess. My baby was perfect and that's all that mattered to me.