Blood warning!!... Who am I

About who I am.. I don't have it the worst, but that doesn't mean I have it the best.. or at all... My mom never married my father resulting in that I went back and forth between them equally through the week. My mother moved me from 2 to 3 pre schools, and 5 to 6 times in elementary school. Then in middle school when I was 12 years old I started self harming due to bullying, home life, and over all not being to take it anymore. I stopped living with her around the middle of 2016, then renewed our relationship, then she made me grab my things and walk out.. I was almost shot twice and all of this happened last month. Now I'll be 16 on February 27th with so soooo much more to live for I have a boyfriend who lives me for once. I have taken Zoloft for over 6 months and some other med i started last night to possibly help sleep. Only problem is I'm still extremely suicidal. Medically I have major depression, minor OCD, PTSD, Premenstrual dyspeptic disorder (PMDD), anxiety/panic disorder, and impulsive ADHD.. I've been recommended to go to a mental hospital by a professional and my mom. I have been abused severely in my relationships and used/manipulated.. I hope the one I have now is real to him like it is to me. My best friend since one of my elementary schools till when I turned 15 on my birthday picked me up and threw me against a wall, next "best friend" from 6th grade raped me on my birthday when I turned 14, and some guy has put me in a choke hold underwater which 5 other guys had to pry him off of me.... Physically I'm fat, but only weigh 87lbs or approximately 43.5kelows. I have scars on my body, my vision sucks (I wear contacts), I can't tell between orange and yellow - I always mistake a lemon for an orange - breasts are small, I'm not curvy or sexy, acne never goes away, the corner of my mouth has ripped apart, I look like a 12 year old prepubescent girl (no offense).. Telling the truth on how I feel gets people mad, but "fake it till you make it" hasn't done me any better..