First of all, I'm so sorry for everyone on this site who has suffered any kind of loss at any stage during pregnancy.  This was my first pregnancy and I never could have comprehended before being pregnant the overwhelming love you could have for a person from the time they are just a cluster of cells.  It's something only a mother could truly understand.  I had struggled with fertility issues for years and I even lost an ovary and a tube from a tumor.  I always wanted a child more than anything but after years of failed attempts thought it would never be possible.  Then it was a miracle, I got pregnant!  It was unplanned because it wasn't supposed to be possible.  I was so excited.  I wasn't trying but I knew I was pregnant before I missed my period because I could feel it.  Sure enough, there was a positive pregnancy test, 3 in fact.  My doctor was surprised I knew so soon, but I could feel the connection to my baby already.  Sadly, my significant other was not happy and left after asking me to have an abortion three times.  He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby from then on.  Then I started bleeding and cramping.  I went to the doctor and after a few days of blood tests was told I was having a miscarriage.  I was heartbroken.  After 10 days of bleeding I still felt pregnant.  All that blood but I didn't feel like I lost my baby.  Everyone thought I was crazy, just hormones.  Then my next hcg came back and my numbers doubled.  I was so confused, what an emotional roller coaster. I went for an US.  There was a perfect gestational sac with yolk sac, a perfect little tadpole thriving... but inside my Fallopian tube :(. I went from pregnant to miscarriage to a living growing baby as an ectopic.  I felt like someone tore my heart out and stuck it in a blender.  Then to have to take a shot to kill your baby slowly by taking away its ability to grow because if you don't he'll die anyway and maybe kill you by rupturing your tube. No one should ever have to go through this.  So here I am, three days post methotrexate, grieving, and all alone. It feels like a cruel joke to be given something you wanted so bad and love so completely just to have it taken away.  At times I wonder if I'll ever go a day without crying, if I'll ever make it through this grief.  No one beside other women who have been through this can even begin to understand the love and loss, the devastating and debilitating grief.  And then to know that may have been my only baby and now they are leaving me.  I needed to post this and tell my story as an attempt to help myself work through the pain.  I'm glad there is a place to share my feelings.  My heart goes out to all of you.  Thanks for listening.